Have you ever gone through a tragic breakup? If you haven’t, then I’m sure you would know someone who has been there. Whenever any relationship ends, it often feels like the end of the world. You become hopeless and depressed as if your happiness was only in that one relationship. Your emotions take control of your overall well-being. Moving on takes months, and sometimes, years. Have you ever wondered why? Probably because you were emotionally dependent on that one relationship so much that the absence of it has shaken up your whole existence. Felt pity for yourself, didn’t you?
Now, think of a friendship with your high-school friend. You both don’t expect each other to be in touch daily, but cherish the time you both had spent together. You might haven’t talked to them for years, but whenever you both catch up, it feels as if nothing has changed. Their absence doesn’t affect your overall well-being, but their presence is still as significant as it was back then. You don’t snap at them for being close with other friends. You accept that they have a life, and being close to others won’t affect your friendship whatsoever. It’s like a genuine bond that doesn’t require a timely exchange of words but still makes you feel connected forever. It gives you a sense of freedom that your connection will never fade away no matter what.
Now watch both the above scenarios closely and analyze:
Which type of relationship do you want to have – the one that takes the soul out of you and makes you miserable or the one that adds value to your life?
Connection or Attachment? A Simple Choice for Your Emotional Well-being
Every relationship or friendship starts with a connection. That bond you make with someone you’ve just met (or you build over a while), which feels like you both had with each other for ages. A connection is raw – it is often based on similar thinking, likes-dislikes, experiences, and thought process, etc. that you both share. Your vibes match, and you instantly start liking them, without expecting if they would like you back. Every relationship or friendship starts with this pure, selfless connection. But if all relationships begin with this connection, then when do things go wrong?
In any relationship, various kinds of problems arise when attachment exceeds connection. When you’re attached to someone, you only love them if they behave the way you want them to. In a way, an attachment makes you self-centered – you want them to do things according to you and not them so that they could make you happy, even if that decision doesn’t make them happy. You want them to do things your way as you ‘care’ about them, without considering if their path could be better than yours or not. Caring about your loved ones is one thing and imposing your will on them is different. Enforcing your thoughts and beliefs on them will only take them further away from you.
When you’re attached to a person, you cannot process their absence from your life. This kind of attachment is very toxic to oneself, which often keeps you away from the two most important concepts of human life – the wholeness of soul and the impermanence of everything. When you become aware of the fact that you always were and always will be whole and complete, you will realize that your happiness doesn’t come from one single person or relationship. Once you become aware of this fact, it becomes easy for you to understand that everything in this life is impermanent, except you. You won’t have to beg before someone to stick with you to make you feel happy and alive. That’s because a real connection stays in your heart forever, even if it is not in your mind. If you have a strong connection with someone, you don’t have to worry about whether it will last forever or not. This realization gives you emotional independence.
Sometimes, we often disregard the power of choice that we have. We become what we behold. We have the option to be attached to someone and be stressed about it, and we also have an alternative to nurture a pure, raw connection with someone and add value to each other’s lives. Let’s choose wisely.